RANToms #1

Well, the last time I wrote something was on my test paper which was Friday and the last time I wrote something good* was last year on this very same blog. So I decided I might write something good* before writing another shitty test paper this Monday. Now the following is definitely not about me because that would be selfish, right?(well, everyone is looking out for their own so I guess its okay?)

I think I have a problem…a real problem with people who have a problem with other people with problems(woah, does that mean I’ve got a problem with myself?).

Every one of us has heard some stupid saying that, “How can you complain about your day going bad when someone out there is having a worse one!!!” Well, guess what, no one ever told me to stop being happy about something because someone out there is more happy about something, that’s why. I mean c’mon, if someone will ever try to reason with me with this logic in an attempt to make me feel better I’ll punch him right in the face, and I think punching someone can actually make me feel better so I guess, apology/thanks to that person?

Bottom line is, that it’s okay if to feel bad if you are having a crappy day, it’s also okay to complain about it but may  not to everyone(that can be a little annoying!!) but it’s not okay to tell someone that your day is much worse than them because everyone feels different about different things because you know everyone’s different which also makes them similar in a way but that’s not the point(WHY THE HELL I GO OFF THE TRACKS EVERY TIME?).

I feel bad about my favorite fictional character being dead and some people think that this barely qualifies as something to be upset(HEARTLESS PEOPLE!!!(my opinion)). And I think real people being dead should not be a pressing issue to anyone(WHAT, WE ALL HAVE ISSUES…DON’T JUDGE ME LIKE THAT)  and you know what it’s okay to feel any way you want because people are idiots, you don’t have to give a rat shit about what they think.

Just remember, FEEL FREE TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THE THING THAT YOU THINK IS WORTH IT, THEN HEAL YOURSELF GET OVER IT AND ALSO BECOME MORE HAPPY THAN THE PERSON WHO IS “HAPPIER” THAN YOU RIGHT NOW.

*good for me(obviously!), you are probably thinking this post sucks but the joke’s on you, you read it whole.

The Reason

Before starting any blog I like to think of a way of telling my own present situation in way that shouldn’t seem too obvious to the readers, after all I’m someone who doesn’t like to open up even though I’ve written a blog on the same theme(here). I want to change my self so badly but still wrote something on why changing your core system is not possible(here) and it will only promote you to be fake an nothing else, you will still continue to suffer, maybe others will think that you’ve changed, but you on the inside will always know the truth. I’m that person who wrote 3 days back that people are stupid because they focus on showing the world how tough they are by disguising themselves with the “filtered”environment of social media(here), but me being me will continue to do the same thing.

I started this blog so that I can engage myself into something different that also interests me. But all those things I’ve written here are just me telling myself that this is who you should be, you should open up to people, you don’t need to change yourself, you are capable of being tough even though you seek help from others and you don’t validation from the crowd of strangers to live peacefully. I just want to tell myself that I’m good enough for anyone and that I certainly don’t have to build any type of image of myself inside my head which lowers my self-esteem.

I just sometimes feel really surprised when writing these things, because I always thought of me as guy who doesn’t want to share anything and I yes, I’m still that person.

Its just that now I’ve stopped opening up about things completely even with the few people with whom I’ve always feel comfortable and it has become so bad that I’ve become desperate to tell everyone about how really feel but still is afraid in doing so, and maybe that is the reason I’m here letting it all out through my blog.

Most probably not many will read this but this was something that I was unable to speak about with anyone only because I thought nobody was ready to listen to me, like there is nobody with whom I can talk to anymore or was afraid of being judged.

Now I know I never concluded this,only because I feel it is not the end and I”ve still a long way to go and maybe someday I’ll be able to conclude this by finally making peace with the reality and myself.

This was sort of a open letter to myself

Stupid, Not Tough!

Starting with a few things that I’ve observed in the last few days,

• People are stupid and I’m one of them(duh!).
• People are everywhere, even on your mind(Especially on your mind).
• Now the problem with people is that they exist(Existential crisis? Naah)

Now that we have done with my fantastic observation skills, I would like to tell you why the hell I stated that people are stupid, and by people obviously I meant I’m stupid as I really like to talk about myself. So, Yeah!!!

Now, we all have mastered one particular skill that really help us all to go through in our tough times and that is showing everyone else there is no such thing as tough time, and our life is so so so good. And the best tool to convince everyone that our life is just awesome is social media, its amazing that people will never know that how fucked up we were while posting that story of you, enjoying staring in our front camera and smiling on Instagram because just like we use filters on our pictures so that they can look good, we use social media as a “filter” on our life just to make it look good(such dedication, no?).

Well, now I’m not saying that all of us have such a sad life and we are in a constant need of getting validation from the social media(Or am I?), but let’s face it we are constantly looking for validation from people that don’t matter to us just like we don’t matter to them.

And yes it is true that except few people nobody really cares whether you are happy or sad, they just don’t give a shit unless you’re a celebrity which I’m pretty sure you’re not(cuz then you won’t be reading this) but the thing is we are not sharing things with the people who care either. You now why we do this type of thing, you guessed it right, because we are STUPID.

Yay, I’ve established that we all are such great warriors who can survive all the great tragedies of life without anyone and also that we are all stupid for thinking this because life is not like some “end of the world” bullshit that we have to survive it, it is about living it(life~live, get it?) peacefully and also sometimes being silly at living. I would love to tell you how we can be less stupid but I just can’t, the only thing I’m good at is bitching about people and life which means I’ll rant like 100 more words on this topic.(YAY?)

The world has made being happy and jolly all the time such a overrated thing, that we just want to flow with the trend and show everyone that we are also nailing it in life. Now, don’t necessarily have to let everyone in, but don’t lock up yourself inside alone either. Pick someone you trust(you gotta trust someone, please!) and tell him/her that things are not going the way you thought they would go and you’ve no idea what is going with your life either(I don’t know either, so help me maybe?). They might not be able to help you but they will sure be with you when you are searching for a way out of your problem and that my friend sounds like a big help to me, so you see they will help you and in the end you’ll be glad that you read this blog(wait, what?).

Realize you are not special, you are full of flaws and so is everybody else. The person that you are turning for getting help might be in the need of help more than you and you end up helping each other. All you have to do is forget one thing, “that you are tough af” and remember one simple thing, that EVERYONE IS STUPID, because just like you nobody’s gonna forget that first part.

I know, this was such a cliche topic with a more cliched conclusion but someone said this to me once that, “Just write, don’t think if its making any sense and in all that nonsense you might end up making some sense”. Actually, no one said that to me, I just made that up, still cool though, right?

 

Unspoken Words

In my WhatsApp’s about section it’s written, “Listen to what people don’t say”, and maybe reading that again prompted me to write on this topic.

Some of us have a habit that we don’t really say what we feel, well I know that I don’t. I know I’ll be willing to risk everything rather than letting my feelings out. The feelings or the words that we want so badly to express but fail to do so because of the fear that in order to get a sigh of relief we might lose that one valuable thing or person. We get blindsided by the fear of consequences this much that we forget a simple fact that everything that we have right now will eventually change and we might not get a second chance. And eventually, the feelings will change into regret. This happens and will happen because the life doesn’t give second chances, I mean sometimes people get second chances but are you willing to bet on that second chance maybe which you’ll never get.

I often wonder how wonderful texting is, you can always say what you feel and get that feeling of satisfaction, but the next second you ‘backspace’ it all. The conversations we had would’ve been so much different if only we just listen what ‘backspace had to say, but that will remain unspoken. Most of the time we fail to convert the feeling we get after typing our true emotions into a happy reality because instead of hitting the send button we prefer backspacing. Unknowingly we might be missing the best moment of our life because in the next moment situation will change and your feeling might become irrelevant to you also.

People also have strange habit of using their eyes to convey their emotions or feelings, the  things we wish we could speak out loud to someone because maybe we don’t have it in us or we’re afraid that everything would fall apart. The thing is we keep these feelings to ourselves eventually everything will fall apart, maybe not on the outside but inside the burden of keeping them inside might crush you.

We all want to be understood, but very few of us really try to be understood.

These “Unspoken Words” are the feelings, the emotions, which will only strengthen the bond and the relation because people should know how much they mean to you and worry not if things go south because in that  you’ll come to know whether that person was worth the fight, the fight which you were fighting with yourself for that person. Opening up always is a win-win situation, you just need to change your perception.

BUT…….

Maybe Some of us find comfort in keeping things to ourselves, because we feel so vulnerable when someone knows what we think it’s like we can feel that maybe now everyone can see right through us and that can totally fuck us up and that’s totally alright because we might not be comfortable with sharing our thoughts but I believe we all have one(or two) person(s) in our life in front of whom we can just lay out everything bare and open.

Please figure out who that one person is because that person will help you by motivating you to express yourself in whatever way you’re unable to.

 

GO. START LETTING THINGS OUT TODAY, AND YOU’LL FIND YOUR MIND TO BE A LITTLE BIT CALMER PLACE TO BE IN.

 

Now the choice is yours that whether you want to wrap up your own feelings and throw them somewhere because you’re afraid of the consequences or to let it all out in hope of something better. Remember it’ll never remain the same, no matter what everything will change, every relation will change so why not take a risk and turn this inevitable change to our favor.

Distraction from your past?

We people often tend to get lost in our own thoughts when we are idle with nothing to do. I mean most of the time we start thinking something good, creative, something that we would like to happen but what we end up thinking are the worst things possible.

I tend to think shitload of things when I’m sitting idly, and these can be so dominating that most of the time they leave questioning me about every decision I’ve ever made and every relation I’ve ever had with anyone and believe me, this never leaves me in a good place. Also, time like these make me realise why an idle mind is referred to as a devil’s workshop, maybe because that’s where most of our demons originate that haunt us for the rest of the day.

Sometimes you’re so focused while doing something but all it takes a quick flash of a moment and you leave everything, you just don’t know whether to be thankful for that quick glimpse into the past or to be damned about it. Worrying about future is such a small problem for people who can’t get themselves out of their past.

One might suggest you to distract yourself and engage yourself in some sort of work which will keep your mind off from these useless shit, but can you really distract yourself  or any of this  is really useless shit?

Maybe the past is not that horrible

The memories that you think makes you go damn about your past might not be that bad. Think about the time when it happened, you were happy in that moment, weren’t you? so why suddenly when that moment became a memory, you start cussing it. Because maybe you know that moment is gone and it will never come, and then you stop to think, but after this only the real thinking should start  because that moment was good for sure but a better one is also on its way .

Your every memory will give you the option of making it the reason for your happiness and help you too go through the tough times, or be the reason for stopping you from enjoying your present.

But if you still think it is, this one’s for you

Sometimes some things happen because of a reason but that reason is not always you, you are not the reason for falling for the wrong person or having something special – a friendship, a bond or literally anything. Don’t pull yourself back because of your past incidents, don’t let them stop you to do something again because maybe this time you’ll get a better result. Your past memories or experiences are more of a lesson then mistakes, learn from them, retrospect and strike harder the next time when life gives  you that situation again because you are not here to sit but to think and make something big out of it.

AND NOW....

I don’t think distracting yourself will do any good because the more you try not to think about something, the more you end up thinking about it. All you can do is be happy that your past is what it is and move on, or you can relive it again and again until it gets rooted so deep in your head that it becomes painful memory rather than a  happy one. So, don’t try to act like the past never happened or trick yourself into thinking that distracting yourself will help you because it will not because you think you can handle it but one day you can’t.

Let the horrors of your past be the Armour for your future.

Don’t be afraid that you’ll fail, you might but you’ll not fail that bad because this time you’ve learned something from your past experience and that’s what it’s all about, making ourselves stronger for the next thing that is coming to challenge you!!!!!